CHAPTER 14

"A few days later, Julius D. Nibble stopped by our barn to sample some hot corn bread I'd managed to make away with from our kitchen.

"Some scene," Nibble said between gulps. "Me, back in my old Lab... the President and the First Lady Joleene... the tempting thighs and ass of that first lady... and Straker and his cronies. I can tell you, it took the self control of a Buddhist not to attack them. If it weren't for Crystal I would have demolished them all and gone on to my next transmigration."

Things are getting really interesting now, Nibble," I replied, offering him some fresh milk from our cows. "I'm sure Straker didn't let any grass grow under his feet after that meeting. So, what happened?

"So what happened next was pretty hilarious," Nibble sniffed around for more cornbread, "but what was happening that very same morning down in the hills of North Carolina was even more important"

You mean at the Scoggins' place, how would you know what was going on down there?

"Ramu, you forget he hooked us up to the Arthropod Network, Mantodae division. One of the last things he did before he left us stranded down there before we met Rae. There's so much information on that network, but you can filter out every thing except what interests you... So yes, I did know what was going on down there at the Scoggins' place, saw it all through Ramu's compound binocular eyes, him, perched on the leaf of a tree near the Scoggins' house. Dexter Scoggins and his grandfather, recently returned from a vacation at the county jail, were lounging on the front porch of Dexter's cabin savoring the sweet mountain air."

"The chanting of a lone Whippoorwill across the creek, the occasional howl of a far away hound, and the nocturnal whuffling of pigs nearby punctuated an otherwise profound silence as the familiar aroma of ham and red-eyed gravy drifted out of Georgina's kitchen."

"Abruptly Georgina, spatula in hand, appeared at the open door. 'Dexter she yelled, come in here quick there's somethin' weird on the TV quick...it's them dogs, the ones we lost,,, get off yer ass and com'on in here.'

Dexter, grown considerably heavier over the winter, lumbered into the cabin parlor and stood squinting at the set. 'That's them, ain't it?' Georgina exclaimed, 'I'd know that Scrapper anywheres and that's Bella, aint it?'

Dexter pulled at his nose and scratched his beard. 'Scrapper, he had a piece outta his ear, tore it on some barbed wire...I'd know him by that.' 'No need to go into details son,' old man Scoggins said. 'That's them alright ... no question.'

'Bella Bella!' Bymeah squealed, 'It's them, Bella and Scrapper.'

'Who's that old lady and that smart lookin'... goddamn that there is Joleene, man, the First Lady and there's the President behind Scrapper."

'Turn the sound up,' Dexter yelled 'Quick!'

They all listened. 'Seems like they talkin' about freein' the slaves,' Georgina said.

'Hell, that was done years ago,' the old man observed.

Dexter sat back in his rocker. 'Doggone,' he smiled, 'juss look at them two dogs will ya...right there on TV big as life...My dogs!' Dexter's eyes dilated 'Goddammit, I want my dogs back,' he bawled at the set. 'How'd they git there? Who is that old gal?'

'She's dressed up pretty nice, must have money,' Georgina observed, 'Maybe you could sue her for Dog-nappin'.'

'Might have an idea there,' Dexter growled,'Crank up the phone, see if you can get the operator...tell her to get you the station.'

'What's the station,' Georgina asked, grinding the handle of th old wall telephone.

'We only got one station - how should I know what's its name? Here, lemme.'

"Moments later the operator had connected Dexter with the switchboard of the local TV station."

'Hey honey, I'm watchin' this program on your station - my name? What that's gotta do with anything? Dexter Scoggins the Sixth. What?.... Do I want to make a complaint? Hell no, I wanna know the name of the show that's on right now... Yeah. Gloria who?... Goddamn?... Oh, van Dam... Yeah, I see. What about the old woman she's talkin' to, with the dogs?... Ray?... ain't that a man's name?... I see, and her last name?... Greenfield?... gottcha. Why do I wanna know? Cause them is my hounds. I kin prove it too, run off on me this past fall. Yep - looked high and low for 'em, now my wife here, she turns on your station and there they are.... Can you tell that lady I wanna talk to her?... You can't? Did you say New York City?... Phenomenal!' Dexter whistled. "You mean my hounds is way up there in New York City? How the hell did they get up there? They're worth eight hundred bucks a piece, if not more... Yeah. Then gimme the number to call up there in New York, I wanna talk to that old lady.... Taped what's that? Ah huh, I see. A week ago... well I'll be darned... yes, well this van Dam gal, does she got an address where I can write her?... wait a minute.' "Dexter scribbled the address on the wall and copied down a phone number the operator gave him. Then he hung up the receiver, turned toward the set and lit up a smoke.

'Wonder how that ole gal got them dogs?' the old man mumbled.

'Someone picked 'em up and sold 'em to her, most likely,' Dexter replied.

"The program ended. Dexter clicked off the set and Georgina served up dinner." 'Can't eat,' he said petulantly and pushed away his food... 'sight of them dogs done made me lose my appetite.'

The old man sighed. 'We sure could use that sixteen hundred bucks.'

'Maybe we'll get more 'n tha,' Dexter smiled slyly.'Supposin', as Georgina says, supposin' we was to sue that old woman... Possession of stolen property is a felony. There's lawyers that takes cases like that on a percentage basis. A buddy of mine told me all about it.'

'You mean you'd sue that nice lookin old gal?' the old man asked.

'They's my dogs, aint they?...you saw 'em. I'll have no trouble tellin 'em. That Scrapper, he's got that nick in his ear, and that Bella she got that small white star under her chest where you can't hardly see it. I kin prove they's mine...sixteen hundred dollars, hell... maybe we'll get sixteen thousand. I'll sue for mental anguish... don't I look like I got Mental Anguish, Grandpappy?'

'You sure do, son, whatever it is you got it all right,' the old man smiled. 'After all, it's a well known fact hounds'll always come home less somebody waylays them.'

'That's a good point,' Dexter said, leaning back in his chair. 'Maybe I'll jes' go up there to New York City and visit that ole gal myself. Maybe I don't need no lawyer. If I jus' go up there and scare her a little, let her know I'm plannin' to sue her, maybe she might jus' settle up.'

'Wouldn't hurt to try,' Georgina said...'you got enough money to git there?'

'Won't cost me that much, maybe we'll git that mobile home yet, Bymeah. Serve up my plate, gal, I got my appetite back.'

*

"That same evening, sitting at the half empty bar of the High Life Lounge in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Mike Armstrong was on his fifth Jack Daniels. Jerry, the bartender, was checking the channels for a baseball game when suddenly Mike saw Rae's face caught in a slipping frame."

'Hey, Jerry,' he said, 'can you leave it there for a minute?'

"Jerry tuned the channel, mixed himself a drink and leaned across the bar."

'You a fan of hers too?'

'Fan?'

'I guess you ain't seen her before, huh? You usually go home before now.'

'Goes by the name of Rae.' Mike replied, 'Real character she is... real outspoken... good vibes.'

'Jerry smiled up at Rae's face. 'Folks like her so much she gets invited on all the talk shows... they say she's gonna have a show of her own... interestin' gal... supposed to be real wealthy but never paid no mind to it, worked at odd jobs all her life... she's got a line on things, all right.'

"The two men watched in silence."

After awhile Jerry said, 'See what I mean? You probably don't know what she's talkin' about but she's right about them slaves. If someone who had never worked for a livin' said it you wouldn't believe it, but comin' from her, you do.'

'Chasin' windmills,' Mike muttered.

"What?"

'Chasin' windmills... she's gonna lose. Humans are just naturally lazy and greedy. Tell me the truth... wouldn't you like a slave around here if you could get one, a nice cozy eager slave to do all your work?'

'Bet your ass I would.' Jerry laughed. 'I'd put it behind this bar and me and you'd go off fishin'.' His eyes narrowed. 'But you ain't seen 'em, Mike, she showed pitchers the other night.'

'Pictures?'

'Yeah, pitchers of them slaves... man, are they weird! I was grossed out. You wouldn't be sittin' here with somethin' like that behind the bar, I can tell you. She says it's up to us, the people, to stop the whole deal. Says if these slaves get started, they'll take over.'

'Could be,' Mike agreed.

'Thing is, she's such a down to earth character, you believe her... says all these serious things but she's funny and people listen.'

'Maybe she should run for President,' Mike suggested.

' Why not?... I'd vote for her, a good-lookin' older gal like that for President would be cool.'

'Good lookin' dogs too, wonder where she got 'em?'

"The two men watched as Gloria van Dam fed Moon a doughnut. Mike had never mentioned his relationship with Rae to anyone. Breaking up with her had been hard for him to cope with. Her sense of humor had hooked him... that and the fact that underneath she was so damn innocent. But it wouldn't have worked out... in her world he'd never have made it... people would have said she was leading him around by the nose."

'Wow, you hear that?' Jerry said.

'What?'

'You're not listenin', man... she's talkin' about them secret papers she's got... that's the latest twist, refuses to turn 'em over to anyone.'

"Jerry recounted the story and Mike suddenly realized Rae had put herself in great danger."

'That takes guts,' breathed Jerry.

'She'll get herself killed.' "Mike looked into his Jack Daniels and saw Rae in her truck speeding down a lonely highway, pursued by faceless terrorists. Reaching in his back pocket he withdrew his wallet, got out a photograph of himself and Rae and passed it to Jerry."

"Jerry looked from the photo to the TV screen and back at Mike. 'You know her!'he exclaimed... how did you meet her? And how'd you ever let her slip through those big lovin' arms of yours, Mike baby? Didn't know she was wealthy, huh?'

'That was the problem... we lived together just fine and I never knew she had a dime. When she finally told me I couldn't handle it.'

'Tell me another and have a drink on the house, man.'

'Honest, she even worked for me.'

'You're kiddin'.'

'Yeah, on a road gang up near Memphis... she was my flagman, sorry flag woman.'

'Flag person,' Jerry corrected, 'We're all persons now, no ones a man or a woman anymore. Come to think of it, she mentioned workin' on a road gang, said it was a long story... you was the long story... Right?"

'Yep.'

'Guess that's why she comes over so good on TV, knows how to say things so regular people can understand 'em... she's had experience."

'She was a regular person, all right, but now she's become a star... look at her!' " Mike lifted his glass in a toast to the screen."

'Guess you two were a number huh?" Jerry whispered confidentially. 'Tell me about it - what happened?'

'I told you - we were simpatico but her money caused all the trouble. She never let on about it. Didn't even tell me her right name. Then this slave business came along and she... '

'Pretty good condition for an older gal...'

'We had a good thing goin.' She's got more on the ball that a lot of younger gals I been with.'

'I can see that... she's got a real athletic build.'

'...Had a bike stashed on top of her rig... ten speed type... would pedal twenty miles without even thinkin' about it. Me... after work I was too pooped to go riding a bike... I been a widower for many years, had lots a women and after thirty most of 'em are over the hill... but not her, she's still perkin'.

'Tell me about it, Mike.' Jerry poured him another drink.

'We lived together for six months. Real nice relationship but I got suspicious when she started stoppin' at pay phone all the time... Thought she was foolin' around with some other guy. Realized I was jealous and if I was jealous then I must be in love. That scared me... felt real weird 'cause since my wife died I never was in love. It was always sex and that was it, but this was different... I was in love and she was cheatin' on me that's what I thought. We had a big fight, said things we shouldn't have said, I guess. Then she told me her story, her real story, how she'd been runnin' from that money all her life'

'Wish I had bread like that to run from.'

'That's how I felt, man, like she'd been playin' with me, just playin'. There I was, beatin' my brains out just to stay on top of things and she's runnin' from her money. I told her she was takin' jobs away from people who needed them... by the time I understood her it was too late... we'd had too many fights... gone through too many changes... said too many things we didn't really mean. On top of that, I knew if I stayed with her, people would think a lot of bad things about me. I couldn't see that, man... me, I wanna be boss... that means I make my own money.'

'Macho man,' Jerry grunted. 'Look where that attitude has got you... six drinks before the wind at the High Life Lounge in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.'

'I wanted to be the big deal in her life, what's so wrong with that? But her money made me feel real small... after a while I felt like I was ballin' the Bank of America... started hallucinatin' she was stuffed with thousand dollar bills."

'And you wonder why she hid from it all those years, you big dope! Most guys get a hard on these days every time they see a credit card. You oughta have gone along with her, you'd be up there on the TV right now you dumb ass. Look at you, you're good lookin' for your age, no paunch, a little grey at the temples. Dress you up in some expensive clothes and you'd look real distinguished.'

Mike rattled the ice in his glass. 'Not me, I don't talk right... I know that. People don't respect you if you don't talk right, but where I come from they didn't teach us how.'

'Where was that?'

'Montana State Home for Orphans. I was brought up there from the time I was six. Nobody wanted me I guess... my brothers got adopted... I got left behind. I ain't complainin'... I've done pretty good but at the State Home you didn't learn how to talk, you learned how to fight.'

'Miss her, doncha?,,, com'on, admit it.' Jerry gestured toward the TV screen... 'Hey Miss Rae... look out here at this lovin' man o' yours and take pity on him, he misses you.'

'Knock it off.' Mike blew his nose.

Fearful lest Mike would break down, Jerry busied himself washing out glasses and hummed... 'If you can't do the time, then don't do the crime...'

'Breakin' up ain't easy, y'know,' Mike observed, 'always leave part of yourself with the other person. When you've got involved and broke up as many times as I have, you got all these parts of yourself out there walkin' around with all these chicks and nothin' for yourself... I hate breakin' up.'

'That's the road of life, man.'

'Too much trouble on that there road... sometimes I feel like gettin' off it.'

'If you feel like that, you oughtta go back to her.'

'Couldn't do that, man' Mike sighed.

'Bullshit, man, you can do anything you decide on. From the looks of it, she's gonna need a real man around for protection.'

'She's real brave.' Mike looked up at the screen. 'You'll never know when she feels bad and she'll never tell you her troubles but I could always feel 'em. Underneath she's a real shy woman, you know, kinda nervous too.'

'Wouldn't you be nervous sittin' on that much loot?... specially if it wasn't your fault you had it.'

'Yeah, I would. I finally understood that.'

'Hey, look, those dogs is on again.'

'Fine lookin', ain't they?'

Jerry grinned. 'To my mind that shows she's a real good woman... rich gal like that you'd think she'd have poodles or one a them Cheewawas but she's got Coon Hounds. Did you know George Washington ran Black and Tan hounds? Coon Hounds is the oldest American dog... like they came over on the Mayflower or somethin'... that's why she's so popular... got the big ratings, man, and I tell you it's them hounds.'

'Most people don't know how comical Coon Hounds are... wonder where she got 'em? We had a cat she had saved from drowning... never told me she liked dogs... she told the story of how she got 'em but I don't remember it.'

"Mike stared thoughtfully at the tube."

'Why doncha go up there to New York City and surprise her, Macho Man? Give yourself a little vacation.' Jerry filled Mike's glass. 'Swallow your pride and just go up there and surprise her... I bet she misses you a whole lot...I would.'

'I'm sure with her now I'm long forgotten.' Mike drummed his knuckles on the edge of the bar.

'Bullshit!' Jerry grabbed the phone which was on a long cord behind the bar. 'Be my guest... I'll betcha fifty bucks she's dyin' to talk to you.'

'Don't know her number.'

'She's not at her number, man, she's there on the tube. Call the station, you jerk.'

"Mike rested his hand on the phone and looked at the TV screen."

'You've been attacked recently in the press, Rae, by almost every scientific organization in the country,' Gloria van Dam was saying. 'Why they've even taken out a full page ad against you in The New York Times, did you see it?'

'Oh yes,' Rae laughed. 'Didn't bother me at all... these white coats have a big vested interest in pushing all their ugly creations on people... science pays... just look at all the whiskey and fancy car ads in the science magazines, if you don't believe me - wine, women and two Mercedes in the garage."

'Now Rae,' Gloria chided. 'Isn't that true for all of us?... all the benefits science has brought us.'

'Like Hiroshima and electric tooth brushes.'

'What about all the miracle drugs?'

'What about all the side effects?'

'I want to change the subject now, Rae, and get back to that man in your life,' Gloria, her voice assuming a confidential tone... ' can you tell us about your love life?'

The cameras cut to Rae who was blushing. Gloria laughed. 'Why, Rae, you're blushing! I think you've been hiding a lot from us.'

Rae's eyes sparkled.

'Come clean, my dear... you can't keep secrets from all your fans out there.'

'I'll give you the honest truth, Gloria, I've only been in love once in my life and that was only two years ago.'

'You mean, until two years ago you were a ...'

'That's right, until I met this fellow... Mike's his name... until I met him I'd never been with any man.'

Gloria's eyes opened very wide.

'I know no one will believe me but that's the truth...'

'Wow,' Jerry exclaimed, 'She's talking about you, Mike... she just mentioned your name to millions of viewers.'

'You mean, in all those years you never....' Gloria van Dam was saying.

"Well, you see when I was young I wasn't a pretty girl, in fact I was downright homely. Now I'm older and not supposed to be pretty I guess I look better than average.'

'You certainly do, wouldn't you say so, audience?'

"The audience applauded."

'Would it be too personal, Rae, if I asked whether you've had a face lift? I mean... you haven't got a wrinkle and your skin is so firm."

'Never... but then I don't squint... always wear shades in the sun and I don't smile much... spent a lot of time alone, you know... working at these weird jobs and never talking much. Most people's faces get worn out talking.'

'How true... but let's get back to love, Who is this Mike? Is he tall, dark and handsome?'

'That's a pretty good description, Gloria, you might say he's tall, dark and graying with beautiful dark blue eyes and long dark lashes"

'Where is he? Are you still together?'

'No, we're not."

'How sad, Rae, but what happened?'

'I met him when I was still anonymous. No one had seen or heard of Rae Greenfield for thirty years... went by the name of Maggie Fuller.'

'So he knew you as Maggie Fuller?'

'That's right... he was the foreman of that road gang I told you I worked on. Right from the start we had this wonderful relationship. He had a heart of gold,' Rae shook her head, 'and I was a fool, I should have told him more. Then when I found out about these horrible creatures and that they were being funded by my grandfather's Foundation, I had to bite the bullet and assume my responsibilities. People are right, I had been taking jobs away from people when I shouldn't have but for me it was therapy..it socialized me...before that, because of the way I was brought up, I was like a lonely robot... So I felt I had to do something which meant I had to make a decision about my life. If I wanted to stop these recombinant maniacs I'd have to get out and talk to people about it.'

'You felt you had to stop being Maggie Fuller?'

'Exactly... also I had already had my cover blown by an old friend who recognized me somewhere in Florida and started following us and calling out my name... it was an awful moment for me... for my relationship with Mike'

'What was Mike's reaction?'

'When he found out I wasn't exactly who I said I was, he threw me out... said I'd lied to him... but I hadn't. For thirty years I'd been working hard as Maggie Fuller. He didn't like the idea that I came from money, couldn't get used to it, didn't like me getting involved in this Slave Issue, thought he'd be playing second fiddle... yes, that's what he said.'

Gloria looked into the cameras. 'Mike, where are you? Look...you've got a good woman here, she needs you, she misses you.'

The camera shifted to Rae, dabbing at her eyes. 'He doesn't watch TV much, I doubt he'll see this.'

'Did you hear that, Mike?' Jerry yelled. 'Listen, man, that woman loves you... she really does.'

'If you're watching this show tonight, Mike,' declared Gloria van Dam, 'you can see you've got a sincere sweetheart here... that's a rare thing nowadays.'

'Listen, Mike,' Jerry said, 'she's no kid but neither are you... can't go on chasin' chicken all your life you know... you'll get wore out. Com'on, man, pick up that phone and call her.'

'Cut it out, Jerry. I ain't been with no other woman since she left me.'

'She just said you kicked her out, man, it's up to you to make the first move...'

'That's what she says.' Mike looked gloomy. 'I say she left me.'

'Because you probably made her life so miserable she had to split... that's why.'

'Fuck off,' Mike muttered and pushed the phone away.

Jerry was astonished. 'You're really not going to call her?'

"Mike shook his head. Jerry scowled and switched channels to the baseball game."

'Lug head,' Jerry mumbled, "some people are just too stubborn to be happy.'

"Slamming his fist on the bar, Mike got up."

'Where you going,' Jerry yelled, 'ain't you gonna watch the ballgame?'

Mike grinned. 'My friend you just convinced me and if I'm gonna make it up to New York City, I'd better get on home and saddle up.'

'You mean you're gonna go see her?'

'Guess a little vacation won't do me no harm... I'll just ride up there on the old Harley, see what's cookin'... got a feeling she's in this thing over her head, may need to be pulled back out.'

'Good luck then... I'll be watchin' for ya on TV.'

© Elwyn Chamberlain 2009